Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen

Author:Christina Rasmussen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2013-09-17T16:00:00+00:00

The Life of Your Friendships

If someone had told me that most of the friends who were with me during the year of my loss would not be in my life in the future, I would not have believed them. I would actually have laughed and walked away. I was very protective of these friends, because they stood by me during the hardest period of my life. But as time has passed, I have seen my relationships with some of them change. Some have become stronger; some have gone away. For those I’ve stopped spending time with, it is not because they no longer are good people. It’s not because of any clear conflict or fight. It is just that I changed so much internally that what used to connect us was no longer there. This is part of creating a new life, and I would like to ask you to be okay with that. It is important that you allow yourself to let go of relationships that no longer work for you. Of course some of the relationships might be stronger than before, so you must be open to this change as well. The truth is that the reality of your relationships as they were before your loss, and as they are afterward, is not the same reality at all.

After a profound loss, it’s important to figure out which relationships to renegotiate, which ones to end, and which ones to keep intact and start plugging in to more often. The questions in this exercise will help you make some decisions. By getting real about what you need from your current relationships, you will start bringing more people into your life who resemble the person you are becoming. In doing so, you will be plugging life into your emerging identity. I am going to ask you to be a little selfish with this exercise and to really commit to creating a safe haven around you. I can assure you that guilt will send you some not-so-truthful thoughts about your friends—watch out for those as you start to ask the questions. Guilt will try not to rock the boat or go through more loss. But what is important in your life at this stage is to slowly open the door for more of the people you want to have along for this journey of reentry. If you agree with me, then let’s begin.

How many friends do you speak to on a daily basis?

How many new friendships have you developed since the loss?

Do you initiate calls with your friends, or do you wait to hear from them?

Are you open to invitations?

Do your current friendships fulfill you?

Do you feel as if you need to explain yourself over and over again?

Do you feel lonelier when you’re around your friends?

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